Things you say at Thanksgiving...

gatekeeper:

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It’s Cool Whip Time!
4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst.
5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!
6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready to have a go at seconds yet?
8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some.
10. Don’t play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. Wow - I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that.
18. That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen.
19. How long do I beat it before it’s ready?

12 Types Of Girls.

sayitlikeitis:

veeheroin:

1. Ms. Gold Digger
+ Advantages
a. You have some one to manage your money.
b. She always looks good.
c. She makes your other niggas jealous.
d. She makes you look good.
- Disadvantages
a. When you get broke she’ll be gone and take what you have left.
b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.
c. Once your nigga comes up she’ll be on his arm the next day.

2. Ms. Freak
+ Advantages
a. She knows all the right positions.
b. She’ll try everything more than once.
c. You’re never unsatisfied.
d. She’ll do all the things your girl won’t do.
e. She doesn’t mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.
- Disadvantages
a. Eventually, b/c she’s a female, she’ll end up catching feelings.
b. She starts to act like she’s your “main”.
c. She fcks wit ya’ boy and act like you in the wrong for telling her that she’s a freak.
d. Eventually her sht gets old. And you need a replacement.


3. Ms. Independent
+ Advantages
a. You don’t have to worry about buying her anything. She got it.
b. She’s intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She’s great for (business) conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.
- Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say fck you and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.

4. Ms. Dime
+ Advantages
a. She’s top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a “model”
e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her.
f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn’t care.
- Disadvantages
a. She’s superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She’s probably dumb as hell and if she’s not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.

5. Ms. Tomboy
+ Advantages
a. She’s cool and laid back.
b. She’ll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She’s easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She’s a diamond in the rough.
- Disadvantages
a. She’ll remind you too much of your nigga.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.

6. Ms. Ghetto
+ Advantages
a. She’s not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She’s down for you. She’ll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She’s always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.
- Disadvantages
a. She doesn’t know how to act in public.
b. Your mama can’t stand her.
c. You get into with her every other second.
d. She’s willing to fight another girl looking at you on her PERIOD.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.

7. Ms. Good Girl
+ Advantages
a. She’s always there for you.
b. She’s intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.
c. Your mother loves her.
d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.
e. You are her first everything.
f. She makes you feel like a man.
- Disadvantages
a. She’s an A or B situation either:
A. You’re not gonna get any until ya’ll are married or
B. She said she’s never done or she said she’s never tried it, she’s sitting there telling a muthafckin’ lie.

8. Ms. Main
+ Advantages
a. She is the one you respect.
b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.
c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.
d. You’ve been with her forever.
- Disadvantages
a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.
b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass.


9. Ms. Psycho
+ Advantages
a. She’s fun and spontaneous.
b. She’s down to earth.
c. She loves you unconditionally.
d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.
e. She makes you feel loved.
- Disadvantages
a. Don’t you break up with her. She will stalk your ass.
b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.
c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.
d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.
e. Fckin’ with her can make your life a living hell.

10. Ms. “I-have-a-man”
+ Advantages
a. She may have a man but she’ll mess with you anyway.
b. She looks good.
c. You have an intense night of passion with her.
- Disadvantages
a. She’ll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.
b. She’ll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.
c. If you piss her off she’ll get her man to come beat your ass.
d. She’ll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.

11. Ms. Tease
+ Advantages
a. She’s tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.
b. She’s intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.
c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.
d. Everything she does is just so sensual.
e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.
f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.
g. Every nigga wants her b/c she’s so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.
- Disadvantages
a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.
b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.
c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)

12. Ms. Right
+ Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dime. She is beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.
b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.
c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother’s.
d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.
e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.
f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.
g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.
h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.
i. She’s always there for you no matter what, anytime any day any reason.
j. She’s not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.
k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she’s your best friend.
l. You love being around her more than your boys.
m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.
n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST mind numbing and passionate love making fest ever.
o. She’s always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often put up with most of your sht. But she’s also intelligent enough to leave.
p. She’s nothing like any other girl you’ve met. She’s your woman.
- Disadvantage
a. You’ve probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go.

Formspring 1

IMMMM ASHLEYY i live at 345 assfucker road and maaa digits are (555-pleaseme) let me know if you wanna get together sometime ;)

 Arrrriiiiiigggghhhhhttttt (;

What would be your idea of a perfect day?

This is such a tough question. I could take it in so many directions. Hmm,  I would really like to go to Italy. So, maybe a whole day filled with shopping and site seeing, getting around on vespas with my friends. Then meeting some nice Italians who would show us how to have fun the Italian way. (: Haha I’m such a loser. But that sounds fun to me (:

 What is your favorite movie of all time, and what do you love about it?

This is probably the toughest question for me to answer. I’m a really big movie freak so I fall in love with movies all of the time. I really like The Patriot with Mel Gibson, Braveheart, Titanic, and Moulin Rouge. Oh and then of course there is Benjamin Button, and Into the Wild. See, ugh I’m horrible at this question. I could never pick just one! As far as The Patriot and Braveheart go, I really love the romance in them, and the idea of a rugged, brave man who fights for what he believes and fights for his love that’s lost. In the Titanic, its pretty obvious, I love the romance and the heartache, since I’m a sucker for sad movies. Plus  Leo Dicaprio is my all time favorite actor.  Moulin Rouge and Ben Button, same answer. Into the Wild is just an amazing true story that really made me think. The main character Chris thinks in a way that I admire, and sometimes I find myself questioning things as he does. I would highly recommend that movie. It’s amazing. Every single one of these movies made me cry, and I love sad movies so, there you go (: sorry for my ridiculously long answer.

 You Die. what do you want your friend or family to say at your funeral?

This question was just asked in my ELA class! Ugh I don’t like this question lol. I really don’t know, I haven’t lived long enough to know what I want said about me, as of now the speech would be pretty boring. I’m just in highschool, so that amounts to me being just like every other person my age. Haha. But, by the time of my funeral  I hope that I evolve into a better person than I am right now. And I hope I live to accomplish a lot wonderful things that people can remember me by. They don’t have to be BIG things, just small things to impact the lives around me, and the people I care for. I hope to live a happy life and that would be enough for me.